With ‘you’… All over again,

 

There have been so many things I’ve always wanted to say to you… But I’ve never been able to put it into words….
I’ve wanted to express myself… But could never seeing a proper sentence because of that goofy grin that takes over my fave whenever I’m around you …

I use cockiness as an excuse so that I don’t show you my soul, because I know that you have the capability to see into It.
I know I am not afraid of showing it to you, for somehow , both you and I know… that we made a connection… Long ago… Somewhere along the line of our long conversations and laughter and tears and hugs.

I miss the person you used to be. And both you and I know that you’ve changed. But somehow, the way I feel about you hasn’t. Past the bitterness. Past the silence you’ve subjected me to. Past all the times I’ve been there for you and you never acknowledged… It surprises me that I still feel the same.

Is it wrong? Or am I just too nice (like you always say)? Should I have changed too once you decided to cut me off?
I guess, I’ve always had a tiny bit of hope that things would go back to the way they used to be before.
Can they? …. We all know, It takes two hands to clap. But here it seems like I’m waving in desperation , but don’t feel another hand to meet mine…. No sound…. Just silence , and my smile. And you with your attitude and your facade, the one you put on… When it all happened…
And you lower it when you want to , and you come to me… We have long deep conversations for hours and feel that connection again, the one we had before, but on the very next day, as it would seem to everyone around that there has been no change in us. There you’re back with ur mask back on, and me with my open arms… You need someone to fall back on, u say, and you complain you don’t have anyone around.

Though you know I’ll always feel the same way about you irrespective of what you’ve put me through, and though you know I’m here , you smirk and puppy pout and say that there’s no one there.
What do you want me to say? I fight for a while. Opposing you, but this new version of you is stubborn… Will not listen to anything I say unless I say that what you want to hear.

So I’m here helpless, writing this … Something you’ll probably never know, never understand that I wrote it addressed to you.

No, I’m no coward, you know that very well…. I’m just tired, tired of telling you this over and over, and seeing no progress.
And so, on every other day we shall smile and wave like acquaintances again, as though there was nothing between us, and as though nothing is. Until one day you’ll come to me to have a meaningful conversation and we shall do it all over again….

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